It's Been A Long Time

Wow! I haven't written on this bog in 4 years. I have to confess that I really felt I was running out of things to write about. But in reality I had loads of things to share but could not bring myself to write about them. My family and I have been on quite a journey these past 4 years. There have been many highs and lows. Unfortunately there were more lows than highs. There have been lay offs, changes in my teaching position, health issues with family members. The biggest and ongoing situation is my middle son's battle with drug addiction. With all of this I struggled to feel gratitude toward anything in my life. With this feeling of emptiness, we fell deeper into a slump. We struggled with our son to get him help. It is difficult to help someone who doesn't want help. This was coupled with my husband being laid off. This is probably when I should have been writing the most and yet I just couldn't bring myself to do it. However, we never gave up. We managed to bring ourselves together and stuck together as a family with great love. That is the one thing that never faultered. I truly believe it is the one thing that has helped us get through everything. My husband now has a great job with great monitory opportunities. Although my son adimently refused rehab, we were able to get him help with a great counselor that he sees every week. He has taken himself off of the misuse of prescription drugs, we are working to get him to stop smoking pot. His school has been supportive in allowing him to complete high school at home by doing the assignments at home. He has completed all of his work on his own with some minimal help. He is scheduled to graduate with his class in June. He hopes to attend a community college in the fall. He has had a couple of jobs but they were temporary and didn't quite work out. Tomorrow he wants me to take him to fill out more applications in the hope of getting another job. All of this is a step in the right direction for him.
We did have a series of good things happen as well. My older son graduated high school in 2010 and has been attending college on a half scholarship. My daughter is now a teenager. She does very well in school and has been on the honor roll many times. She has also been a member of her dance studio's competition team. She has become quite the beautiful dancer.
It has been difficult for us the past 4 years but our love is what got us through it successfully. It is the love that we have for eachother that I am most grateful for. This is what I have come to realize today as I begin to write in my gratitude journal again. I hope to continue and I hope that you will continue this gratitude journey with me. What are you most grateful for? Please share.

Sous Chef Marissa

Today is Columbus Day and of course all of us teachers and students are off from school. YEAH!! Today was a day to catch up on laundry and stuff around the house. I also decided to make a nice big dinner- Eggplant Parm. I took a quick jaunt to the store to pick up some fresh eggplant. When I returned from the store, my daughter Marissa decided that she would help. She wanted to learn how to make it. I was reluctant at first. I sometimes run on the policy that I can do things faster by myself. But I stopped myself from turning her away and let her hang with me and help. I gave her the job of flouring the slices of eggplant. She mastered that pretty well and soon she had graduated to flouring AND dipping in the egg mixture. It took us a while to fry the eggplant but I do think that she helped me go a little faster. Hanging with Marissa in the kitchen brought me back to when I was her age and helped my mom and grandma make dinner. That's how I learned to cook. Hanging out in the kitchen and helping (peeling potatoes, breading chicken breasts, shaking the chicken in the shake-n-bake bag, setting the table). This was a very important part of my growing up. I learned a lot from my mom and grandma and it was a lot more than just cooking. Granted I had to learn my husband's favorites from my mother-in-law (hence- Eggplant Parm.) I think that these moments with our kids are important in their growing up. Not only did we have fun together, but she learned something. She was also very proud of her accomplishment in the making of that meal. When everyone sat down to dinner tonight she made the big proclamation that she cooked the Eggplant. I think she had the biggest piece.

Today's Affirmation:
"I am willing to let go.
I release others to experience whatever is meaningful to them, and I am free to create that which is meaningful to me."

Today I let go of the reigns a little today and let Marissa help with dinner. It was important for her to hang with me and learn something "grown-up". She felt very grown up when claiming credit for tonight's dinner. It was also very meaningful to me to pass my knowledge down to her. Some day she will do the same with her own kids. I was very proud of her today!

When have you let go to let others experience what is meaningful to them and in turn became meaningful to you?

P.S. For those of you who are wondering- I had a great experience at the mall the other day- shopping by myself (AAAHHHH-Bliss!!!) I found a great outfit for the wedding on Saturday. I was a woman on a mission and found something within 1 hour and it was on SALE!!!! I decided not to buy shoes. I couldn't justify spending some sick amount of money for shoes that I will only wear once in a while. I have a pair of shoes that I have hardly worn and will do just fine. I will take pictures at the wedding and post them next week.

Busy, Crazy, Sicky Week!

The writing of this post was done over a span of time.
Wednesday I wrote this:
My 14-year-old son came home from school last Thursday with a really bad cold. Then 16-year-old son caught it shortly after him. Well now, it is my turn. Although, I do not have a complete cold, I just have an all over achiness, headache, stomachache and crummy feeling from head to toe. Tuesday I was home sick. I literally called in sick, crawled back into bed, pulled the covers over my head, and slept until early afternoon. Neither of the boys has really missed any school. They are both in high school and feel that unless they are throwing up, they truly cannot miss any school. Me too, I am right back at work today. I long for the days when I was in elementary school, when I could stay home for a few days. My mom or my grandma would give me soup in bed, and my teacher would send home work and a note from the class saying that they hoped I feel better soon and get caught up on the work when I could. In high school there is no excuse for not having homework, even if you’re really sick. It is the student’s responsibility to find out the missing work and make sure they are all caught up on the day in which they return to school. For us in the working place, everyone wonders where you were and there is little post its all over your desk.
Sunday I write:
Well, I took care of all of the little post it notes on Wednesday. Thursday night at dance class my daughter had a great honor bestowed upon her. She and some of her friends were asked to join the dance competition team!! She is still beaming!! We are so proud of her. She works so hard. She wanted this so bad!
I spent Friday in an all day meeting. Saturday I cleaned the house all day :( I'm feeling a lot better now but my headache did not leave me until Friday morning. Today I am going shopping ALL BY MYSELF!!!!!!! My husband and I are going to a wedding in Manhatten next Saturday. It's going to be quite an elegant affair and I just don't have anything in my closet that is suitable. So as soon as I'm finished writing and posting I will be jumping in the shower, getting dressed and I'll be off to the mall- ALONE!! :)
It's been a crazy week and I've missed blogging!! I'm back! I'm still here! I look forward to reading all of the posts I've missed on the blogs that I follow.

So, here is today's affirmation:
"I am at Peace
Divine peace and harmony surround me and dwell in me. I feel tolerance, compassion, and love for all people, myself included."

Lazy Sunday Morning!

Don't you just love a lazy Sunday morning? This whole weekend has been rather lazy! I love it! We've spent the past many, many weekends going to christenings, showers, birthday parties etc... AAAAHHHH finally a weekend to do nothing. Yesterday as you know I worked on changing the layout of this blog while all the men in the house went to the homecoming game at the High School (we lost :() and then we all went for chinese food for dinner. This morning I woke up around 8:15. Chatted with husband for a bit. He got up and went to the living room to watch the Formula 1 race with older son Michael. I pulled the covers over my head for another half hour. I peeked my head out of the covers and grabbed the laptop to have a look around the blog world for a little while. I got up for about 10 minutes to make coffee and grab a bowl of cereal and then headed back to bed. Sitting up in bed with my cereal and coffee, I turned on the television and flipped around there for a while. Then I called my mom to talk to her for about an hour. Then my husband came back to bed for another chat, followed by daughter Marissa and then middle son Mark. Before you know it all 5 of us were hanging out in our room (kids to big to hop into bed) having a nice chat. I'm getting up now! At 12:15! I sent my husband out for the paper, so I could get the coupons to go grocery shopping. While he's out, I'll jump in the shower. I do need to go grocery shopping. I will at least do that today. But sometimes we all need to just relax and do nothing.
Here is today's affirmation: "Life is simple and easy. All that I need to know at any given moment is revealed to me. I trust myself and I trust life. All is well."

I think the affirmation speaks for itself. Sometimes we just need to relax and reset our clocks.
When was the last time you spent some time to yourself and relax?

Family

"To put the world right in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must first put the family in order; to put the family in order, we must first cultivate our personal life; we must first set our hearts right."
Confucius
We spent the weekend at a family baptism in Virginia. My husband's nephew and his wife had a baby boy in June. That makes my mother-in-law a great- grandmother and my husband and I a great-uncle and great-aunt. YIKES! That's just too much for me to handle. We packed the kids, the mother in-law and some bags in the car and traveled 5 hours in the car down to Virginia. It was a nice weekend spent visiting with family and enjoying the new baby. My daughter looked pretty in her dress and my boys looked quite dapper in suits!(That's a rare occasion and I took lots of pictures as I may never see them like that again for a long, long, long time!) I really don't have much else to say- We all had a nice time and I'm looking forward to more good times ahead!
Here is today's affirmation: "I am surrounded by people I Love and who Love me.
I am at peace with myself and those around me. I know that I am safe and that I am loved."
This is my definition of family. Even my 14 year old son reconnected himself with the family. I think I'm beginning to see my sonny boy starting to come back to life!
Share with me some of your great family moments. What is your definition of family?

Seeing Old Friends Again

Hello again friends. It's been quite a weekend. I went with to a bridal shower in New Jersey with my mom and my sister-in-law (my brother's wife). It was a very beautiful event held in an historical building. At the shower we reunited with some very close family friends that we haven't seen in more than a year. We are so close to them that we call them "aunt" and "uncle" and we consider their kids- "cousins". My mother thoroughly enjoyed reconnecting with her old friend. But I noticed something different about my "aunt". She seemed over happy and kept saying the same thing over and over again. Well my "cousins" asked my sister-in-law and me how my mom was doing since my dad has past now five years last Monday, and did we notice anything different about their mom? I said that my mom was doing fine- she misses my dad tremendously but she is ok. I also said that I did notice a difference in their mom. They proceeded to tell my sister-in-law and me that their mom was diagnosed with alzheimers. That news went through me like a knife. My mom did not hear us speaking. I looked across the table at my mom and "aunt" talking and laughing. My mom did not pick up on the difference in her long time friend. I said to my "cousins" "I'm not going to tell her this news today. She's having too good of a time". They said that I should tell her before we meet again at the upcoming wedding because we will notice a huge difference in their dad as well. He has been diagnosed with parkinsons disease- another shot to the heart! This news is going to upset my mom very much. It will have to be done with much care and love. It breaks my heart to have to tell her this. This news upsets me also, as I care for this family very much. I have such great memories of growing up with this family. We've been together through so much happiness and some sadness. This family already has many challenges. The oldest daughter who is 47 has M.S. and has been living with it now for about 10 years. She has a strong personality and a great attitude towards her illness. She does not let it stop her from enjoying her life. She can no longer walk without assistance and most times uses a wheelchair. The younger daughter who is my age has a son with multiple disabilities including severe autism. She too is strong and does her best to live life to the best she can and helps her other son live as normal life as he can. Now they have this devistating news about their parents. They have a younger brother who has a lovely healthy family- he is their rock as well. They are facing their parents illnesses with such bravery and confidence to do everything they can to help their parents face their struggles with courage. I admire their strength. I'm hoping for the same strength when my brother and I sit down and give my mom this devastating news. I came away from this weekend with such gratitude for all of my wonderful blessings- we are all healthy and living a good life. All of the little things that I gripe about are nothing compared to the struggles that our long time friends face every day!
Today's Affirmation Reads: "As I say yes to life, life says yes to me. Life mirrors my every thought. As I keep my thoughts positive, life brings to me only good experiences."
These are the thoughts that I keep saying to myself to give me strength to stay positive through this horrible news. This affirmation will help me to speak with mom with love and care and help support her when she hears about the illnesses of her friends.
Have you gotten through some tough situations using the power of positive thinking?

Family Around the Firepit

The hot sun, the pool, the beach, dad's great barbeque, these are a few of the kids' favorite things about summer. However, the most favored thing that we all love the most is the firepit that we bought last summer. Throughout the summer, most of our dinners are cooked on the barbeque (Bobby Flay, we're ready for a throwdown), especially on the weekend. Those dinners usually end with other family members stopping by for coffee and a sit around the firepit. This summer we have been able to really get the fire roaring. The grown-ups sit around the fire and the kids run around the backyard either catching fireflies or having running races. As the fire dies down to embers, we bring out the marshmallows and the kids roast them over the embers- yum! Of all of the ups and downs that we have had throughout this summer, our pow-wows around the firepit have been probably the best part of the summer. The warmth of the fire, the coffee in paper cups, and the light conversation bring us together as a family. These are the times that make memories for the kids. Just like I always remember how special my mom always made my birthday, my kids will have joyous memories of summers with their cousins running around the backyard and roasting marshmallows around the firepit. I bought the firepit because I liked the way it looked. I really had no idea the impact that it would make on my kid's memories of summer in their childhood. Tomorrow, my husband and I will clean it out of all its soot and ash and put the cover on it. It will not be lit again until next summer. As I lay here tonight ready to go to sleep, I am filled with abundance of love of family and am grateful that some of our most precious moments are spent around that firepit. It is sad to cover it up for the season, but I look forward to many more summer evenings sitting around the firepit.
Today's affirmation reads: "I trust in my inner wisdom. As I go about my daily affairs, I listen to my own guidance. My intuition is always on my side. I trust it to be there at all times. I am safe."
I had great intuition in purchasing that firepit! Eventhough I liked the way it looked, I somehow I knew that this item would be something special for us as a family. I listened to my own guidance and I trust that it will be there with me in many other experiences that life will bring to me.
What is your favorite summer memory? How did it impact your family relationships?

Celebrating My Heritage

Every third Saturday of August my family attends the Scottish Games at Old Westbury Gardens. There is traditional Scottish food, vendors of Scottish goods, events like Caber tossing, highland dancing, a dog show and of course the pipe band marches every hour or so. We go for the "good" Fish and Chips and all of the kids like to hang out together. My mom enjoys it because she sees some old friends. Yesterday, was just like most other times- very crowded and very hot! My husband and older son found refuge in the cafe set up near the wooded area. My cousin races there with her family every year and gets there around 10 a.m. I usually don't get there until around 12 noon (we are not morning people). My brother and his family usually get there just before I do and we take turns bringing my mom. It is usually a pretty relaxing day. Now that the kids are older they tend to go off together and do their own thing. We usually don't see them unless they're hungry and want money for something to eat. Basically yesterday was just like any other time that we have attended the games. Except for at the end of the day when my middle son (the one with the 12 stitches) announced that he would like to sleep at my cousin's house and hang out with her kids. The kids seemed to have schemed this up between themselves. My brother's daughter had already planned to go and my son wanted to join her. My knee jerk reaction was "NO"! My cousin seemed o.k with it, but she already has 4 teenagers of her own plus my niece was previously invited. She certainly didn't argue with me when I said no.I didn't think it would be appropriate for my son to add to the numbers. Now my son is angry with me. I don't know what to do. I don't think he really wanted to sleep over their house. I think he wanted to get away somehow. He really is puzzling me and I struggle to get him to be responsible.

OK, so here is today's affirmation: "Freedom is my divine right. I am free to think wonderful thoughts. I move beyond past limitations into freedom. I am now becoming all that I am created to be."
I am grateful for the freedom to live your dream but I struggle with giving my son all the freedom that he wants. I am grateful that he is a healthy and able person.
My son just wants to be free. But he wants free with no boundaries and that worries me. I would feel more at ease with giving him more freedom if he showed more responsibility and care towards family and school. Can anyone shed some light on this for me?

18 Years of Love and Happiness!

Yesterday (8/19/08)my husband and I celebrated our 18th Wedding Anniversary. Yup, my birthday and anniversary usually gets wrapped up in one long couple of days of celebrating (extra time on the treadmill again this morning). Sometimes we spend our anniversary just the two of us, but yesterday we decided to take kids in tow. We decided to visit one of our favorite haunts, NYC. We started off at SouthStreet Seaport and then walked to Little Italy for dinner at one of our favorite restaurants, Paesanos. NYC has an energy like no other place I've ever experienced. The people, the places, the streets, the smells are all energized to the max. I guess that's what draws us there so often. As we were walking from SouthStreet to Little Italy (longer walk than we anticipated)I was remembering what I was doing 18 years before. I was primping for the most memorable and probably the most important day of my life. I wore a beautiful white gown and veil. I had a professional photographer photographing every move I made. I rode in a white limousine to the church and then to the reception. It rained cats and dogs that day but to me it was the most beautiful day in my 26 years. Yesterday, I wore capris and my black croc flipflops but that's ok I was with the most important people in my life and that is all that matters. We had a great dinner and nice stroll around downtown. It was a great day and it has been a wonderful 18 years. I look forward to decades more! All of these feelings and events from my birthday to my anniversary ties in very nicely with the affirmations for yesterday and today!
Yesterday's Affirmation: "I am safe in the universe and all life loves and supports me.I breathe in the fullness and richness of life. I observe with joy as life abundantly supports me and supplies me with more good than I can imagine."
I truly felt a great sense of abundance yesterday and still do today. I felt full of the richness of life walking through the streets of NYC and spending time with those that I hold closest to my heart.
Today's Affirmation: "I am beautiful, and everybody loves me. I radiate acceptance, and I am deeply loved by others. Love surrounds me and protects me." Although it's back to laundry and all of the other household chores, it is a beautifully warm, sunny day today. My husband is back to work, the kids are occupied in some way or another and I am happy sitting here writing to all of you. I am very grateful to have such wonderful opportunities that allow me to share all that moves me and all that I care about.
What makes you feel safe, love and accepted?

Queen For A Day No More!

I just want to say thank you to all of the nice birthday wishes that were extended to me yesterday. I really had a nice and relaxing day. I was "Queen for the Day" as everyone waited on me hand and foot. My husband prepared a great dinner and my family came by. After dinner and cake, we lit a fire in the firepit on the patio and sat around the fire for a while. Today my reign as queen has ended. I hopped on the treadmill this morning (too much cake) and all was back to normal.

Ok-here is today's affirmation: "My work is deeply fulfilling. Today I give my best to that which I do, knowing that when one experience is complete, I am led to even more fulfilling and rewarding experiences." Being a teacher, I don't work in the summer. So my job during the summer months is reduced down to that of mother and wife, instead of mother, wife and teacher. I get to take off one of my hats for 2 months. The job of mother and wife can be very fulfilling! I feel fulfilled when my kids excel at something or when faced with a social challenge they make a good choice and do what is right and not necessarily what is popular. My husband and I have a very close relationship and we work together to raise the kids. He truly is my best friend. Tomorrow we will celebrate our 18th wedding anniversary. It has been a very fulfilling 18 years. I feel very blessed to have such a loving family. We encounter many challenges but we work through them together. We know that when one task is complete, we will be led to another experience and we will tackle it together and grow from each experience that we encounter. In a couple of weeks I will put my teacher hat back on and I am looking forward to a new year with my students. I know that each day will be rewarding for them and me. Together we will grow and learn. They will make great strides during the school year and I am always so proud of all of their accomplishments.

How does your job fulfill you? I would love to know how you face challenges and create rewarding experiences with whatever you do.

Happy Birthday to Me!

Today is my birthday! Today I am feeling grateful for all of the wonderful birthdays I had as a child growing up. I have fond memories of my mom and dad and family doing everything they could to make my day very special. I didn't have lavish parties and the celebrations usually included my mom, dad, brother and grandparents. But those small celebrations were grand to me. I remember that my mom used to wrap everything in individual boxes to make it seem to me that I got tons of things. She probably could have put everything in one box or gift bag and called it a day. But she wanted me to unwrap as many things as possible. As I got older, I had many friends who used to take me out for a night on the town and that was such a great memory.
As the years past I got married and had children. My grandparents and dad have past on, my brother has his own family and friends have drifted apart. My mom still does everything she can to make my day special. Sometimes we go out to lunch. But the pile of gifts has been reduced a gift card inside a birthday card. Today I am grateful for my wonderful husband who right now is out with my daughter scurring around town gathering things for another small family celebration. I am happy that my older son has cleaned his room that he shares with his younger brother. I am happy that my middle son has so far chosen to spend the day at home rather than out with friends. My mother-in-law is returning home today from her visit with her daughter in Virginia. My mom will come over later. I am grateful for a small barbeque(because that is all that my husband can cook- in fact he is quite good at it) and cake and a nice fire going in the firepit. I don't need lavish parties and piles of gifts! I am grateful for the love that surrounds me today. The greatest gift is all of the things that my family is doing for me to try to make my day special.
So, today's affirmation is quite appropriate for today. It reads "My future is glorious. I now live in limitless love, light, and joy. All is well in my world." Today is first day of my new birth year and it will be my best year yet. I look forward to all the wonderful experiences that will come to me this year!